Sayonara, Japan!

Hello! I meant to put this post up right before I left Japan, but since I am a poor packer and was packing til the last minute, I forgot to do it! I’m already home, but here is the post!

homecoming! just before landing =)

This trip to Japan changed my life! I cannot believe that I initially did not want to come here. There were some personal reasons and there was also my inner perfectionist’s perpetual fear-mongering: what if I fail and I don’t do it right? What if that’s not what I’m supposed to do? The what if-ing was exhausting to sustain and would have paralyzed me for who knows how long. It was not the kind of life I wanted to have after graduation. Not a life driven by fear.

So I moved here! And when I decided to keep a blog, I thought of why I wanted to write. I didn’t know who was going to read it.

“Writing is…that oddest of anomalies:
an intimate letter to a stranger.” — Pico Iyer.

So whoever you are reading this, friends, family, strangers, thank you so much for reading! This trip has been such an adventure and I enjoyed writing and sharing pictures. In a way, I feel like I was writing to another stranger — an alienated part of myself. In my fearful habits, I kind of neglected spontaneity, joy, and bliss…all things I believe are in our true nature. To be kind of cheesy, I’m not a stranger to myself anymore! Each blog post served as a kind of a reminder to myself of what happens when I just LIVE. I don’t need a screen of fear to allow only certain parts of life to soak in, I can be open to ALL of it. And look at what happens when I do! (The following pics and explanations are things that could have easily been separate blog posts on their own, but here they are altogether =).

There were so many times where I was just in the right place at the right time.

like the time my friend was like, "Oh hey I have an extra ticket to an Eric Clapton concert, wanna come?" SURE! sold out at the budoukan.

And what are the chances of this: once on Japanese TV, they were having a special on how Uniqlo is taking over the world. I caught the part of the footage that showed one of my best friends from NY at her job in Uniqlo in NY! AHHHHHHH! Right place, right time!

and oh hey wanna go to an awesome digeridoo concert?...for the concert, we had to take off our shoes! i loved the ceiling...very beautiful listening experience. i got a cd!

digeridoos!

If I just trusted myself, I would end up where I wanted to be. Like the time my friends took me to their friend’s — Keiichi Baba–‘s art show. It was in an old gallery studio building in the backalleys of Ginza. We supported his friend and took part in the interactive parts of his art showing…we became a part of his art! It was so creative and I loved it. There were other artists with their own little exhibition rooms that we didn’t have time to see (we were headed to the digeridoo concert afterward) and I wanted to go back! There were lots of cool antique stores in the building too. I found my way back the following day ALL BY MYSELF. And I went back at night, when all my visual points of reference were kind of distorted. I was so proud of myself for finding it again, and had so much fun enjoying the other art works!

cool piece by keiichi baba

Living here I learned that you can live with joy every day. I finally realized that there are so many forces beyond my control, forces that are so vast and mysterious. I stopped trying to untie its knot of mystery and just LIVED in it to let life live through me. Previously, life would just kind of happen to me, and I’d take furious mental notes, judge, and analyze every perception or what I thought I perceived over and over again to create a narrative that would ultimately make myself miserable. Classic over-thinker. I just thought it was a characteristic of the human condition. I would classify events as good or bad, big or small, important or useless. But there is only life! Its moments are never too big or too small because life is constantly shifting and growing and changing.

organic farmer's market every saturday. i could walk to it in 7 minutes from my house! i loved meeting the farmers and i loved the cheap prices too lol. like this bunch of gorgeous vegetables were 500 yen...$5-$6...made delicious things

doesn't matter where you're going, but how present you are to enjoy the moment! like on journeys on the subway! unusually empty. usually it's PACKED! once it was so crowded i was standing up and my cheek was smashed against the back of this guy's business suit!

no special occasion, just getting tapas with host mama and friend!

I’ll admit it wasn’t all roses. Sometimes I felt like SUCH a hopeless. monolingual. American. Most human relationships consist of minds interacting with each other through words/language. But for relationships to truly thrive, I think there’s some deeper recognition that needs to go beyond just words. Like how when my parents first met they felt like they knew each other forever. Or how when I went to my best friend’s house for the first time, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of deja vu and comfort even though I had never seen it before. So even though my Japanese was fair at best, I am so grateful that people just liked me for who I was regardless. It was more of a feeling!

Tatoeba–For example. On the Saturday before I left, I had a going-away party. It was hosted by a beautiful lady who is like the queen of Japan (if Japan were ever to have a queen). She is so kind to me and pulled out all the stops for my going-away party. She held it at her house and hired the most famous sushi masters in Japan to make us sushi. WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. I didn’t know they were famous masters…my Japanese teachers, who were just as flabbergasted as I was at the whole event, had to point that out to me: these guys never do house calls. I sat at the head of the table and got served first. I was kind of tearing up and not just because of the divine deliciousness of the sushi.

we started off with this...ahh-maaaaazing.....salmon roe...ikura? i didn't even know what i was eating sometimes but it was ALL SO FRESH. fresh fresh fresh fresh fresh.

i took a bite of this, and was like, "WHOA. WHAT IS THIS? IT'S SO DELICIOUS" it was so melt in your mouth soft and creamy and subtle. and it was you know what? fish foie gras. i can't even. wow. so amazing. and fresh. did i say fresh?

he made everything fresh in front of us, including the wasabi!!! he ground/swirled the wasabi root thing, and the end product looked so freshly whipped! like cream! he had me taste some with my finger for my approval ahhhhh!

round one: can't name all of these but WOW. it was like eating fish gems.

wow wow wow wow. he could just put together the sushi with two light slaps of his hands. scoop out some rice and ~pack!pack!~ the sushi was made, perfectly shaped and balanced...not too much rice, not too much fish, not too much wasabi...AHHHH!

round two: there was some grilled eel i think? and grilled fish? so good. i tried with all my might to finish it all. and i succeeded. YUSSSSSSS.

I think they were saying something like, “Here’s how you could make this on your own at home!” Hahaha. Yes just like a master. I felt so grateful to the hostess and will always remember the experience. I always liked Maya Angelou’s quote, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” I saw it on a poster in the library when I was very young and really internalized it; it helped me cope with all my allergies and stuff. I still love that quote and would like to add that sometimes there really is nothing to change, like Buddha says, “How wonderful! How wonderful! All things are perfect, exactly as they are.” On that note, it’s so good to be back home with my other `ohana =). Thank you for reading and whether I continue with this blog or not, I hope you enjoyed it! Here are some last Japan OGFSssssss.

on one of my last days i met up with an old college friend! (wow that makes me sound old haha) we went to this hawaiian restaurant and it wasn't "authentic," but it was SO GOOD. kalua pig and rice with an egg on top in a bi bim bap style sizzling black bowl (so it can get all crispy and delicious at the bottom). so amazing.

and then we went out for ice cream! or sorbet in my case =). you could choose up to three flavors and they neatly scoop it for you into a cup. they give you bits of delicious kobu (seaweed) on the side to cleanse your palette...i loved this touch (so japanese!). it brought out so many richnesses of each flavor. guava BAM! orange BAM!

Love, meeee ❤

P.S. WHOA I just published this on WordPress and nowadays every time you publish on wordpress they congratulate you on your __# of posts, and give you a quote about writing to help you keep going…look at which one I got! “My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.” — Anais Nin — isn’t that crazy!!!! cool. yay. bye.

Who could have asked for more?

Today was my last “full” day in Japan. I leave on Monday and tomorrow and Sunday are pretty much going to be devoted to tying up loose ends, packing, and cleaning my mansion. So today I went to Kamakura with my host mama!!!! If you read my old post “The Nameless,” you know Kamakura is very special to me =). Today’s weather was the most beautiful yet.

totoro's all ready for the holidays! we were greeted by a totoro store right at the entrance of komachi dori!! (the street leading up to the temple area)

i'm holding my presents from my host mama. she got me totoro socks. i'm a spoiled brat!

shopping makes you hungry, so we ate next! (aha! makes sense...in tokyo it seems like everyone is always eating or shopping...lol) we went to her favorite tempura restaurant from a long time ago. the waitress was so cute, she saw me taking a pic and told me, "hold on! wait lemme put the miso soup on the right...miso soup goes on the right and rice on the left!" haha!

i love old hole-in-the-wall places like these, they always have the coolest kitchen/counters. i really liked the sake cups in the basket hanging next to the chili peppers.

we walked further up the street and got to this archway to go to the temple (looks tiny in the background!). the sky was really this blue. this pic also kind of epitomizes tokyo to me...lot of spiritual stuff in the midst of urban sprawl. note: the traffic light hanging on the left, and the four different sets of crosswalks

so pretty...reminded me of NY a little bit...spring days in Central Park!

all these birds!

the salt-tinged leaves...they got some red!

there were all these banners...signifying the year's births, weddings and deaths and asking for peaceful transition into the new year

so beautiful!

maybe i'll come here again if i'm lucky enough to get to this age =). or lucky enough to have the money to come back to japan sooner =D

here's the temple that was tiny in the background in the previous pic!

this was in front of the pic right above. you can see the stairs through the space rectangle

fresh hot gingko from a little stand on the way back =)

remember that plum lollipop i had in asakusa? they had a stand selling GRAPE ones!!!! DELICIOUS and so pretty. grape candy layer over a real fresh grape ("here take this one, it's the biggest" -- host mama)

before i mangled it with my aggressive chomping

Such a great day! But as you know, every day is a good day ;). I haven’t done too many OGFSssss lately so here are some. The carbo-loading series.

SO MUCH YUM. grilled mochi udon. basically grilled rice balls with wheat noodles. carbs on carbs on carbs

this ramen was so different and good. it was yuzu ramen (yuzu = citrus like a cross between orange/lemon/lime?). this came with fried rice. by the time that came, i was already too busy scarfing to be bothered to take out my camera again. carbs on carbs on carbs

Yay! Until next time!!! ❤

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant

— happy belated birthday to Emily Dickinson! Who told us to Tell all the Truth but tell it slant. I am so glad that this blog let me tell my truths through words and pictures and not tell things at all…perhaps we should tell the truth slant because we are meant to look past the words’ sloping boundaries if we ever want to find the truth! So slant, sideways or invisible, here are some truths about the time I went to Nikko with friends this past weekend =).

Truth #1: Nikko, a World Heritage site, is geographically immune to earthquakes. So my friend told me as we piled into a van at 5:30 am last Saturday for the two hour drive to Nikko. How it is immune, I have no idea. I took it to be true especially when we got there, because it just looked very heavy with solemn majesty.

you take like a mini pilgrimage past a lot of arch gates like these and different temple stations...plus a huge hike up tons of stairs to the tokugawa shogun's gravesite

Truth #2: Humans have a lot in common with monkeys. Every shrine had tons of ornate details but I really liked the one with the monkeys!

HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL, SEE NO EVIL. monkey 101. so wise and playful!

the monkey carvings each depict a stage in the cycle of life and the panels go around the whole shrine (starts with a mother monkey looking out on the horizon and her baby looking up at her!)

monkey angst. human angst. being alive forces you through lots of pleasure and pain. ain't it the truth.

i love how we can read the monkey's precise feelings in the explanation given, AND look up in his face and have a moment of solidarity

so funny! "He is lovesick"...and then the panels end with monkeys getting married and the mom monkey being pregnant, and they are back to the beginning again, with the mother monkey and her child! doesn't it all seem so simple? and isn't it?

Truth #3: Even at the height of identification with one religion can come the entryway for another; because they are all connected!

my friend pointed out to me this amazing detail i would have definitely overlooked...lot of mini crosses etched into the door jamb...christianity. in the midst of an intensely buddhist area

so you can see the crosses when the doors are open, but when they close, the crosses close in on themselves.

the slanted door with the crosses

“Tell all the Truth but tell it slant–
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The truth’s superb surprise
As Lightening to the Children eased
with explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
or every man be blind.”

Truth #4: Dogs are wonderful and amazing. Like my new best friend Neo-kun the toothless chihuahua who came along with us! (my friend’s dog, she had him in her bag the whole time!)

it was soooo cold, like NY cold...and so he would only poke his head out sometimes. but every time he did he was so happy!!!

SO FUNNY! he would poke his head out like this and be so turned off by the cold he'd smash his face out to breathe and keep his neck warm...i love neo-kun/ton-suke!

my friend is doing the water blessing thing before going into one of the temple places.

you take the long ladles and the holy water pours into it and my friend taught me how to properly do it...surprising amount of steps!

Truth #5: I am so lucky! We all went out for yakiniku after the long drive back to Tokyo and they were making fun of me for refusing to drink beer with them. “Always water! Why?” Because I turn sooo red and I am sometimes very vain. In all honesty. But being vain is not my truth. SEMANTICS. Anyway. They were laughing at me in good fun, but then they got serious and conferred with each other in Japanese about me and then turned to me and said, “You are a lucky girl, aren’t you? It was supposed to rain today and it just held out until we left…we think you’re just…lucky? You’re a lucky girl…no, WOMAN!” I did not even attempt any pretense of humility or non-acceptance; I really felt the truth of those words, and said the first word that came to my mind: “Arigatai.” Which means something like “grateful” (see the word “Arigato”–thank you– in it?) Then they we all made a toast, with their beer and my water and to “arigatai.”

oh hey guys it's a vanity shot! but really i forgot to put this pic in my previous shopping post because this shirt was another favorite purchase!!! i got it in this random thrift/used store for 10 bucks. even for engrish standards it's quite glorious. but i won't say what it says after "SMART ASS"...it's a surprise!!! for a halloween costume sometime in the future!!!!!! HAHAHAHA. ok.

Ok! So I wish I took a picture of some of the yakiniku because it was the best Korean food I ever ate EVER. Ughhh I still dream about the garlic fried rice in the crackling stone pot. Yakiniku is very interactive and time-sensitive so I was too busy cooking and grinding to get any shots =(. But here is a pic of the desserts I bought for my friends (that also kind of belongs in my previous post…this was the dessert I bought that I had on my to-do list bracelet hehe).

little cakes! so cute!

more posts to come!!! hopefully i will have enough time before i leave to write them!!! ❤

All of the Lights

I could say something very cynical about commercialism, Christmas, and Disney. Like how it’s no coincidence that the awesomest Christmas lights and displays pop up in the poshest shopping districts and usually bookend high-end department stores. Or how the lights attract shoppers to the stores like moths to the flame. BUT! Since I have a little more than a week left here, I’m inclined to be grateful and downright child-like in my appreciation for all things SHINY and MERRY and BRIGGHHHHHHHT!

EXHIBIT A: Ebisu Garden Place (brought to you by Baccarat crystal)

it was rainy and cold but it made this cool foggy effect on my camera!

up close and personal with the baccarat crystal chandelier. really felt like a moth over here!

as you can see lot of nutcases like me who braved the rain for this

the christmas tree and chandelier were on opposite ends of each other. shininess all around. the rain had such a pretty effect

...like the song Fields of Gold!!! i like the eva cassidy AND sting version...beautiful song!

"...you can tell the sun in his jealous sky, when we walked in fields of golddd...." or walked in fields of concrete with endless shopping options! (check out mitsukoshi, huge dept. store in nihon, on the left! and the "baccarat eternal lights" lol)

EXHIBIT B: Omotesando Hills (brought to you by Disney and Swarovski)

i saw this carriage and was like, 'this girl looks like she's waiting to go to the ball..."

and then i went inside! OMG someday my prince will come indeed....it was all disney-ed out! disney conditioning runs deep. carriage cues outside etc.

magical shopping moments...look the whole mall complex was synchronized with lights! i was impressed in spite of myself and my disney-ambivalence.

changing colors and playing disney christmas songs and classics like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

i was grinning like dopey and even shut off my ipod to listen to the disney songs blasting throughout the whole mall and every single store. most stores even had disney "limited edition" things for their brand...crazy.

fields of gold again

close-up of the mickey heads...so pretty

close-up of the top of the tree...of course tinker bell is the star!!

can you see the security guard by all the picture-takers?

i spy jafar's silhouette!

hope you enjoyed the pics and half-hearted/quasi-political commentary! I will probably be binge-posting in the next few days because there’s just SO much I want to write about, got a backlog of like at least three posts running…if anyone’s even reading this hehe. And PS below are picture addendums to my last last post with the really pretty illuminations…those illuminations were made possible in part by Citizen watches…funny yeah!

this was at the entrance of the "time flows"...and you can see the illumination on the water to the right.

and they had a huge clock illumination with their logo on it. hehehehe. "TIME TIME TIME, see what's become of me, while I looked around for my possibilities...! I was so hard to please..But look around, leaves are brown, And the sky is a HAZY SHADE OF WINTER!"

love from meeeeee the baby moth

Weapons of Mass Consumption

“…And I am a weapon of massive consumption,
it’s not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function,
I’ll look in the sun and look in the mirror,
I’m on the right track, yeah we’re on to a winner.”
— Lily Allen’s “The Fear”

I'LL LOOK IN THE SUN AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

…And I’m such a winner! Albeit a nearly broke winner. I’ve been shopping so much. In this post I’m going to be showcasing my favorite purchases (excluding presents I’ve bought for others besides myself; no spoiling surprises!) and shopping stories! Warning: this post unleashes glorious (maybe intolerable) levels of girliness. And also some pontificating about capitalism and my relationship to it. HERE I GO!

I never really liked shopping. A lot of times I doubt myself and am uneasy about how I should spend my money (if I have enough money is another question altogether, but not one I ask myself very often). There’s a really weird equation I have in my head that goes something like: enjoyment + usage = price ^ regrettable factor — sale x free. Did I mention I suck at math?

So, yes, shopping kind of stresses me out. BUT! Tokyo seems to be a super consumer society: trillions of brands and products…so many impeccably stylish people of all ages teeming in the department stores and shops at all hours…so many unnecessary shiny beautiful things…the maw of commercialism never looked so enticing.

And intimidating. Sometimes in the midst of exploring, I’d find myself whimpering in confused and frightened awe, “Where did I come from…wasn’t I just…there? Where…? Did I…?” If you see something you like in Tokyo’s shopping streets or department store complexes, you better buy it right then and there, because you will NEVER find your way back to it. One such labyrinthine complex is Shibuya’s 109. It’s like a tube highrise with small trendy boutiques on every. single. floor. all. the. way. around. I was so overwhelmed with the 10+ floors of clothes and brands like moohoop, Pinky Girls, Egoist, and Baby Shoop. According to other travel guides on the internet, 109 is the place where the regrettable and iconic fashion happens for all the hip young girls.

favorite purchase #1: this denim jacket was sooo cute! i tried it on, and asked for a larger size. this WAS the largest size: a medium.

“Forget about guns and forget ammunition,
‘Cuz I’m killing ’em all on my own little mission,
I’m not a saint, but I’m not a sinner,
now everything’s cool as long as I’m gettin’ thinner.”
(more lyrics from “The Fear”)

On one of the bottom floor’s shops, while I was deciding if I was more disgusted by the faux-fur lined booty shorts or the old man looking at tiny fur-trim Mrs. Claus outfits with his way too young girlfriend, this tall Asian guidette salesgirl swooped down on me, and yelled, “YOU! You are the cutest customer! The cutest customer I have EVER seen!” When I say Asian guidette, picture a tall Snooki, but lots prettier, with a less obnoxiously fake tan. I wanted a Travel Channel tour of her eyelashes.

“The cutest customer! What is your favorite color? Do you like blue? Do you like green?” I looked down at my ratty gym shirt: free from a conference and faded to a pale blue, and my jade happy Buddha necklace. I guess I do like blue and green? I shrugged and smiled.

“As for meeeee, hmmm, my favorite, my favorite favorite color is GREEN! Can I touch your jacket? Oh wow! It’s so soft!” (jacket was also pretty ratty). At this point I was so confused.

I like blue and green. I am cute (though I’m pretty sure my perpetual bewildered expression inspired a mixture of pity and amusement so the only acceptable term would be “cute”). Where exactly that put us on the continuum of customer/marketer relations I could not quite pinpoint. I was clearly not in the market for a Mrs. Claus outfit. So perhaps her attention to me was akin to goodwill? I will never know. But she made sure all her other tall pretty Asian guidette store workers bowed me out of the store as they heartily and noisily concurred that I was a cute (empty-handed) customer.

“Goodbye cute customer! Be safe cute customer!” Like I was a pet! Maybe I was in the market for one of their studded collars! Oh well, who knows if I’ll ever find my way back there. Whether the exchange’s expectation was to make me believe in my own cuteness and thusly buy “cute” clothes, or just a pleasant interaction was left unclear, but I left the shop happily disoriented!

And speaking of cute, look at my cute new rings! They were sold separately at completely different stores. It was so cool how they fit together! The top one was ten dollars (!). And the bottom one was ehhhh, more than that. Hehe.

favorite purchase #2: shiny things

…And speaking of blue and green, it’s one of my favorite movie’s dominant color schemes! Ponyo! I HAD to have the behind-the-scenes book of it at the Ghibli Museum! So cute! I love Ponyo!

favorite purchase #3: book. with a lot of pictures.

favorite purchase #4: alpaca hot water bottle set. it's sooo cute and keeps my feet warm! sleeping on the floor gets really cold sometimes

favorite purchase #5: i love lists. these are TO-DO LIST BRACELETS OMG!!!! for the forgetful consumer

ummm, the dessert wasn't for me i swear. it was for friends. to do list bracelets!!!!!!!

And I went to Japan’s first and oldest department store this weekend, Takashimaya in Nihonbashi. Whoaaaaaaa! Look at their elevators.

blinged out elevator "brought to you by swarovski"...even the insides are beblitzed. and every elevator has an elevator guide to usher you in!

complete with bowing, ennobling the shopping experience i guess.

Being in that department store and a lot of other shopping places really made me feel like I was in “The Fear”‘s music video (below! you can hear the song I’ve been alluding to this whole time! watch it!). One thing I’m struck by is how mellow the song sounds when it’s about such a debilitating feeling; it sounds kind of ambivalent. Perhaps we fear the circular contradiction of buying stuff to help us connect to or achieve something as yet unmanifested. Perhaps what I fear most is my OWN ambivalence. About shopping and stuff.

But for now, I let myself eat cake. Like this one. OGFSs!

my friend made me a dairy-free cake! it's made from azuki beans...it tasted chocolatey! so amazing!

love from the cute girl who likes blue and green

Day and Night

Hellooooooooo! I haven’t written in a while and won’t really be writing in this one. For now I wanted to share these pictures! I hope you enjoy!

beautiful day! light by the temple i pass on my way to school. i love the buddha face!

the setting sun in the land of the rising sun heh. so pretty!

goodbye sun

And from day to night!

i was so mesmerized by this light display!!! and i love how the colors are similar to the sunset one above =)

the light spread down like a waterfall and that whole light thing was ON THE WATER! so the reflection from the water made it even prettier

changing colors! seeing this was totally worth losing all feeling in my arms and legs! it was freezing on the water!

very icy and obviously manmade but somehow romantical! is that a word?

loved this blue!

wa wa wee wah!

tokyo tower in the background!

ooooooooh i loved it i could have watched it all night but i couldn't handle the cold any more!

another blue cycle...how long did i stay there?

hahaha and speaking of time…

Mohri Garden Illumination. Theme: "Endless stream of time. Endless stream of water is expressed by the illuminations. Enjoy the transformation of the lights by time flows."

further down/up the street. i spy tokyo tower!

loved this icicle chair! for tired-of-shopping butts. lol!

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed Tokyo from day–>night. I can’t believe it’s already December! Definitely stay tuned for more Illumination/Christmas decoration pictures and updates! =) <3, me